Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Feel Like Giving Up?


I think it's pretty clear that my schedule isn't going to allow for daily writing.  I'm sorry WEGO Health!  I will continue to write as much as I possibly can on a weekly basis!

Today is Day 18 of HAWMC, and the prompt is actually quite awesome:  Pick up a book, turn to a page, point to a random phrase or sentence, and write about it. 

(You can start at HAWMC Day 1 here)

I picked up this book recently since it sounded interesting and totally up my hippy alley:

One doesn't have to be into the same hippy stuff as I am to strive for "balance," "purpose," and "joy."  Am I right?

So, I flipped open this book and pointed to day 257, which is entitled "Don't give up; have faith."  I pointed to a random phrase.  It reads, "Once you determine the reason [you're about to give up], you can look at the situation in a different manner and use the solution you find to make a positive change to get past the point of giving up."

Wow.  This couldn't possibly be more true for the infertility community.  Many people are in the trenches for years and years before they finally reach resolution.  If you've dealt with infertility, how many times have you felt like giving up?  Like you couldn't possibly handle one more heartbreak of hearing of another person's pregnancy or experiencing another loss of your own?

For those in the adoption process, have you felt like giving up?  When your profile sits on that website for a year and you wonder why you haven't been chosen yet.  I recently read about someone who just experienced her third failed adoption, where the birth mothers all decided to parent for one reason or another.  Do you think she feels like giving up?  Or how about when a country closes its doors to adoption, and you were in line now having to switch up your plans?

All of these are valid reasons for wanting to give up.  And I believe that grieving through disappointments is super important.

What I think the above-referenced phrase is suggesting we do is what's called "reframing" in the psychotherapy world.  It means to try and look at the situation another a more positive light.  Perhaps not an ideal light.  You're going for a slightly more positive way to look at the situation, so that you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get moving toward your goal again (after having grieved a bit).

I'm constantly struck by how strong the infertility and adoption community is.  You all have got some serious "reframing" muscles going on, even if you have to pick each other up off the floor once in a while. The bottom line?  You're not giving up.  And, if you're a hippy-ish person like me, you're maybe even "raising your frequency" (technically, this happens even if you're not hippy-ish, but whatever...).

Try this exercise, even if you don't write about it.  Point to a random sentence in a book today.  Is there any lesson you can learn from that sentence?

Until next time...

Be well,


  1. Off the topic of your post, but I saw that you mentioned WEGO Health, and I was wondering what your experience had been with them? A friend just referred me to them and so I filled out a survey and said I was interested in infertility, and I haven't heard anything since. I don't really know much about what they are or do.

    Here from ICLW...hopped over to your blog because I'm also a therapist.


    1. Hi Jessie....sending you an email response to your message here. :)

  2. I am pretty sure I've hit a wall on the whole everday thing with WEGO. I've done them all so far, but I'm just not crazy about several of the rest of the posts. I love this post, though!!

  3. Hello from ICLW! I am also a therapist and am struggling with fertility issues due to endometriosis and PCOS. I'm also recovering from a loss due to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy a few months back. Great to connect wtih you!

  4. Visiting from ICLW - love the line "hippy self"


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