Sunday, April 8, 2012

What TO Do

The prompt for HAWMC Day 7 invites bloggers to write about anything we choose.  That's when I start getting super overwhelmed.  LOL.  As a result...I shall point to one of my favorite infertility resources: Infertility Etiquette.

(You can start at HAWMC Day 1 here)

People may read what I write about infertility and simply not "get it."  How can not being able to conceive a baby be so devastating?  Just adopt, right?!  It's so simple!

But, it's not.

I love Infertility Etiquette by RESOLVE, because it is directed to those who are fortunate enough not to have suffered with this medical condition.   I've referenced placations in a previous post.  Well, this article illustrates the most utilized placations that are supposed to make an infertile person feel better when they actually sting.  A lot.

If you know someone struggling with this condition, please (I'm literally begging here) read this article!  Your friend will probably weep with gratitude.

The focus of this particular post is not, however, to dredge on about the what-not-to-says of infertility.  Instead, I'd like to focus on what one can do when faced with a friend or loved one who is suffering.  The article references three things that people can do to support their loved ones.

First, let them know you care.  This does not mean that you give advice.  This means that you sit, listen, and offer your shoulder to cry on.  This means you send a "Thinking of You" card or take the person out to see a great movie (Not Juno!  My friend made that mistake!).  Whatever it is that lets the person know you are there for them, do it.

Second, support their decision to stop treatments.  Sometimes people think it's more supportive to say, "Are you sure?  How about just one more time?, when a couple decides to cease infertility treatments (to which one might respond, "Okay, do you happen to have $15,000 hanging around anywhere?  And a new heart?  'Cause I might need a new heart, if there's another disappointment here.").  Whatever the couple decides to do, be supportive.  WARNING: The couple still needs to grieve the loss of a biological child, so try to find a happy medium between excitement for them moving on and empathy for their loss.  It's a rough place to be for all parties.  Just do your best.

Lastly (and I think one of the most important things ever for a friend or loved one to do), remember your loved one on Mother's Day and Father's Day.  This is probably most appropriate for Mother's Day, but some men do have a rough time on Father's Day.  Mother's Day screams out loud every May, and it is incredibly difficult to ignore.  For someone struggling to become a mother, it is incredibly difficult to have the lack-of-motherhood in their face constantly.  I suggest sending your loved one something that lets them know you're thinking of them.  Maybe even make up a new holiday!  Have fun with it.  S/he will love you forever; I guarantee it.

Hope you're having a fantastic Sunday!  And, if you celebrate, Hoppy Easter!

Be well,


  1. You'd think, having lived with infertility for nearly 10 years, that I would know what to do for a friend who now finds herself also experiencing IF. You reminded me that simple is good. I have an idea brewing to support her on Mothers' Day. Thank you :)

    1. Nah, I totally get that. Sometimes we fall out of practice. ;-) I'm SO glad you have something planned for her for Mother's Day. What an awesome friend you are!


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