Wednesday, September 19, 2012

They're coming! Those Darned Holidays

It's September.  2012.  Sometimes I cannot get a full grasp on how fast time goes, can you?

Coupled with infertility, time going by fast is not a good thing.  When you suddenly realize that the friend who was first "trying" with you now has a 5-, and 3-year-old, it hits you.  Hard. 

Once back-to-school starts, it's all over!  Because Halloween is knocking on your door, and then it's Thanksgiving inviting Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year, and Lunar New Year all in right with it.

And let's face it.  These holidays are super kid focused.

How many of you see the miniature super heroes begging you for candy in your neighborhood and want to cry (or scream, or run away)?  How many of you secretly resent your in-laws for not reciprocating in the whole holiday gift-giving, because you don't have children.  Just another reminder, right? 

What do you do when you want so much to be a part of the kid-focused celebration?  What do you do when you have to shop for gifts for your 8,000 nieces and nephews....you obviously have to visit the dreaded "kid" parts of stores.  What do you do when you get the "So???  When's the baby coming???" questions from family and friends during holiday gatherings.

Short of becoming a raving lunatic (at least publicly), taking care of your emotional self during the holidays is extremely necessary.  Here are some things to consider:

  • Seek the support of a loving spouse or friend who "gets it."
  • Have a bunch of tools in your toolbox for answering unwanted kid questions.  Here's a great article with a few ideas.  And here's another great article from the Stirrup Queen.
  • Begin your own holiday tradition for just you and your partner; You are a family after all!
  • Love on your pets!  Or dress them up.  Or both.  Santa photos with the family parakeet, anyone?
Yes, I actually did this to my poor doxie. He's smiling. No really, he is.


  • Journal, journal, journal.  Nothing is as healing as a good journal vent.  If you really want to begin a healing process, write a letter in your journal to your baby.  What do you want him/her to know about what your holidays will be like?
  • Distract yourself with a wonderful new (or old) hobby, preferably something that ignites the creator in you.  Start a garden (indoors if you're in a cold area), draw, crochet, make gifts for people....the possibilities are endless!
This is just a small list of things to do for yourself during the upcoming holidays. I'll be talking more about it as they draw nearer.  For now...deep breaths.  Live presently.

Until next time...

~Maria

3 comments:

  1. This is a great post. It seems like we always managed to be cycling around some holiday. Thanksgiving/christmas, father's day ect. Even though we were dealing with secondary IF it was still rough.

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    1. Ugh..it's at least doubly hard when you're cycling around a holiday....mega torture. And I'm sure it was absolutely difficult when dealing with secondary IF as well; the guilt of not "giving" your child a sibling, watching other siblings take Santa photos all dressed alike, Aunt Myrtle asking when the next one is coming...and on and on. Glad you found this post helpful!

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  2. The shopping bit is always a challenge. I try really hard to focus on my list of requirements and then get out of the store as fast as I can. Am considering online shopping for Christmas this year. Must go and check out those links...

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